I Call You

-I CALL YOU-

And now I call you lover because I can be naked and vulnerable with you and I can trust you to hold my heart in yours.  To never leave.  To never forget to love me or that I am the apple of your eye.

I call you friend because I can talk to you at 3 in the morning after complaining to you all day and you still listen.  You have never once turned me away.  You sit and have coffee with me in the morning and give me the BEST advice, and rejoice in my bargain shopping and marvel at my shoes…

And we giggle together, my friend and I!

I call you brother, long lost, because you stick up for me now when the bullies of my life come into my head and try to take my spiritual lunch money.  You tell them to leave me alone, you help me up, dust me off and carry my backpack as you walk me home.

I call you God, because You wrote the sunrise just for me and told me so.  You told me the trees are worshipping You when they rustle and I should too…

Because only You have the breath of life in You.

Jesus, there ain’t nobody nowhere like You.

I call you Master and swear my allegiance to You.

You have so loved me, so cared, so wooed me for my useless love, my small life…

You are the only person in the world who pays trillions for dirty rags

And considers the rags the more valuable trade…

Because You know that filthy rags plus Your powerful love results in a redemption so miraculous it has turned the world on her backside.

I call You all these things,

But there is one word out of the entire English language that is my favorite thing to call You.

Out of all the words hidden in the great expanse of time that people

Have plucked out and tacked onto You…

I do have a favorite…

I like to call You

“Mine.”

Because

You

are.

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AROMA PART III (a poem for the man who abused me)

This is the third poem in a 4-part series on the concept of AROMAS… and how scents can trigger old things. Good things, bad things, Great Things.  Look for the final installment on Thoughtful Thursday and you can find the other two under the “Poems” menu tab on the home page. Don’t worry, they aren’t all this intense. But I believe the mark of a strong mama is an emotionally healthy mama, and in order to be that we have to go to the dark places and slaughter the demons.  I refuse to be afraid of the pain.  I will face it head on and Christ will meet me and fight for me in the places of agony.  And, funny thing, they become very tiny once Jesus has had His Way in those areas of my heart. He is Light and light reveals so healing can take place.  This poem is just a reflection on an old pain.  Don’t fret for me.  I’m at peace with my past, have forgiven my abuser, had tons of Christian counseling and am a whole woman in Christ.

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i had never known another human who used so much cologne all over your body several times a day even the private places you slathered with scent and when you were done exacting your perversions on my child-frame your scent lingered like a cloak of filth like the embrace of shame you left on my personhood time after time and your man-stench was so hard to get off no matter how hard i tried it just clung and closed in like a tomb enveloping me in the thick silent rage of self-loathing

If this poem triggers something for you and you live in the Baltimore/DC area please, PLEASE find help here. For national help look here.  For my readers in Europe I tried to find resources for you but to no avail.  Please get help and know if this is your issue and you reply to this post I will pray for you.  You are not alone and healing, forgiveness and healthy relationships are possible!

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AROMA PART II (a poem for my husband

This is the second poem in a 4-part series on the concept of AROMAS… (see the first poem here) and how scents can trigger old things. Good things, bad things, Great Things.  Look for the next installment on Thoughtful Thursdays.

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All of my life I fringed about

lost in the dark places

the lonely spaces

of dank and dire

Until you…

Hard to describe your breath

sweet and masculine

always sweet

like the very air in your body

was laced with sugar and metal

like your lungs were

uniquely designed

to turn my pollution

into purity.

I first noticed it

at our first kiss

as you held my face

you inhaled

all my doubt

and wanderings

and exhaled all over me

the sweetest

longings

for me

to give you my heart

forever.